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This website was created In Love
To Honor and Celebrate the life
Of Our Precious Son,
Milo & mom ~ 1996
Death of a loved one by suicide can be jolting and unforgiving. Impact on those closest
to the deceased—parent, sibling, spouse, child, friend—can be profound and long lasting.
People close to the deceased are known as “survivors” of suicide loss. It may be
challenging for survivors to cope and function in the days to come. They may
compartmentalize their grief and keep it in a place deep within themselves. Most are
changed by such a traumatic death.
Questions can preoccupy survivors of suicide loss. These questions may be incessant,
and can be part of coping with suicide loss. They can lead survivors to assume guilt
in bearing responsibility for another’s death. This level of responsibility—perceived or
actual—is often not as common when death comes about by other means.
When someone fails to recognize potential for suicide in one closest to them, they
feel exposed and vulnerable to their core. Feelings of incompetence in other aspects
of their lives may rise to the surface. These perceptions of self, while often distorted,
can be intensified by societal response to suicide, and the stigma it brings.
“What did you miss?” “What a coward.” “How could he do this to you?” “What a
waste.” These comments may be heard in the halls of your funeral home. They may
be spoken with an overtone of concern for the bereaved, yet they signal stigma and
shame. Comments such as these intensify the grief and guilt already burdened upon
the bereaved by the abrupt loss of their loved one.
“If I couldn’t see that he might kill
himself, how can I be competent at
my work? In my relationships? I
failed him because I’m blind to the
really important things. And that
doesn’t bode well for me in any
aspect of my life.”
~ AS STATED BY A SURVIVOR OF
SUICIDE LOSS ~
Just three days In Love
Grief,
like the ocean,
comes in waves
only to recede
and come yet again.
But with it comes healing.
Memories wash ashore
and are bathed
by the golden sun.
Grab hold of those memories
and let them
fill the emptiness.
"It has been said that time heals all wounds.
I do not agree.
The wounds remain.
In time the mind,
protecting its sanity,
covers them with scar
tissue and the pain lessons----
but it is never gone."
- Rose Kennedy
Recipes for the Soul
"In Memory of: Mishay, Moriah,
Monika,Krystal, Ashley, Anthony."
Let Your Past Go
The burden of carting your past
around has made you weary,
Dear one, it is time to set this burden down,
keep only the lessons and the love,
and leave everything else behind.
If your
Thought’s and feelings about the past
Are holding you back.
You're repeating a pattern because
of unfinished emotions from your past,
This devotion is a sign to forgive yourself
And move on, to stop painful patterns,
It simply means that you have
Let toxic feelings go in
Exchange for peace.
My mom ~ 1982
Milo @ McDonalds
On a houseboat trip @ Lake Mead, Nevada
After two suicide attempts, this is
the picture
that saved my life after
Milo died.
Milo's Sister,
Patty
Our daughter forever
Patty & Roger
Kiss me on my forehead, Milo,
And make my soul as beautiful
As yours.
~ mom
Reach up to the heavens with arms open wide
Take hold of its beauty, breathe it inside
Take in its majesty, memorize its grand views
Engulf its bright lights and magnificent hues
Look above the aged trees that touch the sky
And listen to the whispers of the mourning cry
Listen through the whirring breezes and you can hear the names
Sobbing with great heartache, crying out with such pains
Names of all loved ones with silent prayers unsaid
Echoing with profoundness inside my head
And now the sun burns in my ears your sweet voice
Saying don't thirst for what once was, this is the Lord's choice
Now I know there's beauty below, but up here there's no compare
There's no pain, no heartache, there's no despair
You can lay your head upon the angel's knee
And know no pain, just filled with such glee
I know you miss me, I miss you too
But I'm sending an angel to watch over you
The angel will let you know I'm always near
To ease your heartache and wipe your tears
And the next time you reach up to the heavens above
You'll feel the kiss of all my love
So please don't let the grief consume your soul
And remember through God, you too can be whole
And when you think you can no longer stand
I'm up here in heaven with God, waiting to take hold of your hand
So listen beyond the whispers of the mourning and you'll see
I'm with the Lord our God
I'm finally free.
Milo was an extraordinary son.
He had a brilliant mind, a beautiful smile and a heart of gold.
He laughed a lot and made us laugh.
No one who met Milo was ever left unimpressed or unaffected.
Milo lived his life with endless passion and excitement.
Life to him was one long concert, full of
leaps and bounds and noise and lights
and music.
He loved his family, his friends, his music, and was
passionate about working out and staying physically fit.
Milo was always very generous.
Whenever he had money
in his pocket he was quick to help anyone
in need.
Milo's dad said that
" Milo was a stranger to this earth."
Never was this more apparent than on the
day he died.
Going through his apartment we all noticed
what few possessions he had.
But what he did have was telling;
He had a Bible, a picture of Jesus, a few
self help books, and a picture that little Matthew had drawn
for him, of the two of them
" holding hands."
When I look at Milo's photographs,
I still cannot believe
that all that life and love has vanished.
But what I do know is that if love alone could
have kept him alive,
he never would have died.
Milo was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder,
and A.D.D.
We knew he had problems with
A.D.D., and became acutely aware
of his Bipolar diagnosis
within the last few months
preceding his death.
It came as no surprise.
Milo had battled with
depression for many, many years.
We tried
to get him the help he needed,
but he was resistant,
always feeling that it was
something
he could, & should handle on his own.
Five months before he died he
began seeing a psychiatrist.
Because he had no insurance he fell into
the hands of our system which was already
overworked and
understaffed,
resulting in a lack
of personal interest.
The doctor put Milo on a new medication
just weeks before he died.
He wasn't adjusting
to it with ease.
I left several messages with the doctor's office,
but never
received a return phone from his doctor
until it was too late.
His death was ruled a suicide
from
morphine poisoning.
It was my medication, which riddled me with
guilt until I truly found
Jesus Christ as the
Lord & Savior
of my life.
It says in the Bible that we are to be grateful
"In All things."
So, I have thanked God for taking Milo
when He did.
With the downward spiral he was
on, he could have died
a horrible death.
Milo's best friend,
James Webb
~ Milo didn't make friends easily,
but they were ALL lasting friendships.
There wasn't anything in the world that he
wouldn't do for his friends.
His friends
have told me that he was considerate, compassionate,
honest,thoughtful, selfless,
hard-working, fiercely funny, and extremely
loyal.
They have also confided that they were
aware of his mood swings, but that it
never changed their relationships
with him in any way.
Milo attended El Dorado High School, then
went on to Chapparral High School where he
graduated in 1993 with a 4.0 average.
His favorite sport was basketball, but he also played baseball,
football, track, wrestling, boxing, and other sports.
He excelled in any sport he chose to play
and won many trophies.
He loved competition, but not until his first wrestling match
when he was losing and wanted to quit.
He was 13 at the time.
I told him,
"NO, you are NOT quitting!
Just get mad and go kick his butt!!"
He DID!!
In 1992 he came in
2nd place in
The State of Nevada
Wrestling Championships.
Milo was Methodist by faith.
He was baptized and received Christ on the same
day his step-dad
walked up to the front of the church to be baptized.
Milo, unexpectedly, followed in his footsteps.
Milo attended El Dorado High School, then
went on to Chapparral High School where he
graduated in 1993 with a 4.0 average.
His favorite sport was basketball, but he also played baseball,
football, track, wrestling, boxing, and other sports.
He excelled in any sport he chose to play
and won many trophies.
He loved competition, but not until his first wrestling match
when he was losing and wanted to quit.
He was 13 at the time.
I told him,
"NO, you are NOT quitting!
Just get mad and go kick his butt!!"
He DID!!
In 1992 he came in
2nd place in
The State of Nevada
Wrestling Championships.
Milo was Methodist by faith.
He was baptized and received Christ on the same
day his step-dad
walked up to the front of the church to be baptized.
Milo, unexpectedly, followed in his footsteps.
Milo became a carpenter and learned the
trade from the best, his father, Jeff.
They built custom homes, duplexes,
condominiums and apartment
buildings.
No job was ever too hard or too big for them.
Whether it was pouring rain, snow, sleet
or hail,
They just got on with it.
Often, Milo's little brother, Kyle, assisted
them while learning the trade.
Shortly after Milo got out of high school
he applied for a position with the
Police Academy in
Las Vegas.
He studied mounds of material and
felt confidant about passing the
required tests,
which included a written test,
an oral test, a psychological profile,
and a physical endurance test.
When Milo called to see if he had
been accepted, he was told
that there had been one question
on the psychological profile,
but that he had passed all of the other
tests with flying colors, and he was
congratulated on his outstanding scores.
Milo was the "top runner" on the mile lap.
When he finished running the course, he sat down to
watch the remaining runners compete.
One of the last, an exhausted young lady, was having
trouble finishing the course.
Milo abruptly
jumped up from his seat, ran out
onto the field, and began running next to her,
encouraging her to complete her final lap.
The impact of this unselfish act motivated
the girl to complete the run, in an acceptable
time frame, and got her a
position in the academy.
And that is how Milo always was ~
Loving, selfless, and kind to
everyone he met.
I want Milo's Memory to live on.
I want people to
Rememember him,
To know him,
To love him,
And to know
How
Important he was
To us.
I want them to know what an
extraordinary
person
he was ~
How much he laughed,
and how much joy he brought
to us.
I know that one of Milo's greatest
gifts to me was one of healing.
In losing him, I faced
my own worst fears and greatest demons.
I cannot escape the pain,
the loss,
or the sad memories,
or the fact that I miss him so
unbearably
at times.
But I"m learning to live
with it,
as we all do,
One day at a time.
Milo left each of us something.
A gift, a dream, a memory,
A little more courage than we had before.
In my heart, Milo isn't gone.
He still dances on, as dazzling as ever,
smiling and joking and laughing.
He is a shooting star that we will remember,
love and cherish
forever.
All text copied from The Loss Website
The person who completes suicide dies once. Those left behind die a thousand deaths, trying to relive those terrible moments and understand ....WHY?
We are all “intertwined …. separate, yet together, alike, yet different. We are interwoven such that, together, we are more than we are apart. Each of us is desperately loved and needed by others. But love isn't enough! If it were, our loved ones would still be alive.
We are parents, spouses, siblings, children, relatives, lovers, partners, in-laws, companions, and friends of one who has completed suicide. We are “those left behind.” Victims of a tragedy that we could not foresee but feel responsibility for, and for which there is no closure.
We are angry about our loss and seek the ability to express our anger appropriately, whether at the one we have lost, at others who ignored or were negligent about our loved one’s health, or at ourselves. We struggle with guilt and blame.
We have a right to grieve in a manner and time frame that works best for us. We don’t have to “get over it” or “move on.” The intensity of our loss remains constant, the frequency of intense feelings does lessen over time.
We face together the cruel reality that others will remember our loved ones, not for their life and how they lived it, but for their death and how it came to be.
We are Loved Ones’ Suicide Survivors (LOSS). We suffer an especially acute, long, and painful grief. Our needs are not understood.
Our grief is complex, overwhelming and disabling.
Death is a normal life crisis – suicide is an abnormal life crisis.
We grieve, but we need not
grieve alone.
Bipolar disorder can be passed down through families.
If anyone in your family has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, your risk of developing it is higher.
If you have Bipolar disorder, changes in sleep or daily routines can increase your risk for a manic episode. Antidepressant medications can trigger a manic episode in someone who has bipolar disorder. This may occur, however, before someone is diagnosed with bipolar disorder,
while he or she is seeking treatment for an episode of depression.
A stressful event may trigger an episode of
mania or depression.
Your risk of either a depressive or manic episode is increased if you do not take your medications as prescribed by your doctor.
It is common for people to stop taking their medications during a manic phase when they feel good.
Even if you are feeling better, you must take your medications regularly to control Bipolar disorder.
Alcohol or drug use or abuse puts you at a high risk for having a relapse of mood disturbances.
Favorite Quotes from
~ Charles Barkley ~
Milo's favorite NBA Player
I know I'm a fat, old has-been, but there's no way an old man of 67 can outrun me. It's impossible!"
On the Utah Jazz: "When your two best players are 40, you got a problem."
To Kenny: "Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too close, kissin his!"
Kenny: "There's guys who go over to Europe and play overseas from America, and they dominate!"
Charles: "Those are called 'brothers'
To Kenny: "That's what I just said! I hate when you repeat after me and try to sound intelligent."
John 3
8The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going.
So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."
20Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.
21But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done through God."
Our son died on his own battlefield.
He was killed in action fighting a civil war.
He fought against adversaries that were
as real to him as a casket is real to us.
They took toll of his energies and endurance.
They exhausted the last vestiges
of his courage and strength.
At last these adversaries overwhelmed him, and it appeared
that he had lost the war.
But did he?
I see a host of victories that he has won!
For one thing - - He has won our admiration .
Because even if he lost the war,
we give him credit for his bravery on the battlefield.
And we give him credit for the
courage and pride and hope that he used
as weapons for as long as he could.
We shall remember not his death,
but his daily victories gained
through his kindness and
thoughtfulness,
through his love
for family and friends,
for animals, children and music,
for all things beautiful, lovely and honorable.
We shall remember the many days
that he was victorious over overwhelming odds.
We shall remember not the years
we thought he had left,
but the intensity with whic he lived
the years he had.
Only God knows
what this child of His
suffered in the silent skirmishes
that took place in his soul.
But our consolation is that
God does know and understands.
- written by Father Gene
Saint Theresa's Prayer
May today let there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of
God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your
soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and
every one of us.
At this the Jews began to grumble about him because he said, "I am the bread that came down from heaven."
44"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day."
45 It is written in the Prophets: 'They will all be taught by God.' Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from him comes to me.
46No one has seen the Father except the one who is from God; only he has seen the Father.
47 I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting
life.
22You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews.
23Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."
25The woman said, "I know that Messiah" (called Christ) "is coming. When He comes, He will explain everything to us."
26 Then Jesus declared,
"I who speak to you
am
He."
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths
we take, but by the moments that
take our breath away."
- unknown
I dropped a tear in the ocean.
When you find it is when
I'll stop missing
you.
To all of Our Angel Friends;
May you always find comfort in the arms
of
"Your Precious Angel."
My mom, 9 months pregnant
with me, My dad, Jeff, my sister,
Stacy , with friend, baby Gabrielle.
February of 1975
At the zoo in Honolulu, Hawaii.
Getting ready for another
wrestling tournament trip with Milo .
My dad doing tricks with me.
Milo came in 2nd place in the
State of Nevada Wrestling Championships
in 1992.
My half brother, Kyle Goodale,
Born on July 28th, 1989.
Brother, Kyle, and sister, Grace
Grace and Kyle
My Aunt Joan
and
Uncle Harry
My Uncle Bob
This picture was taken just after Dad got home from
the hospital after being in a coma for 10 days
with Septiciemia .
My mom with Aunt MaryLou
He was not expected was not expected to recover.
Through the multitude of prayer, he did recover, just as he had recovered from a massive heart attack in 1995.
Now he is recovering from
Cancer and is known as
"The Miracle Man,"
at the medical clinic he goes to.
"He shall live and not die, and declare the
works of The Lord."
My Stepbrother, Steve
This is the ONLY picture we have where
Milo wasn't smiling ~
~ Weeping ~
When I was a child,
I wept like a child,
Summoning sad memories
I made the tears come,
For I knew crying would bring
My father's presence.
Now that I am an adult,
Let me weep like an adult-
Not for my own sake,
But for the sake of the hurting world.
For I know crying will bring
Our God's presence.
- kathy r. groves
Milo's watercolor portrait of our home
when he was in kindergarten
~ 1980~
"Tears water our growth."
- Shakespear
"Death is not the greatest loss in life.
The greatest loss is what dies inside
of us while we live."
"Soft as a feather, your name
Touches my lips,
My mind, my heart.
Bittersweet
Feelings of love
And loss fill me suddenly.
Joy, I've found at last
Is touched by sadness
And emptiness without you.
And yet, I live,
I breathe, and go
On as best I can.
Bravely, I dream
of conversations And Escapades,
Though now just Memories,
So real for a moment.
I cry for myself.
The helplessness is
terryifying and cruel.
The quiet thunders in my ears.
Memories of a smile,
A look, a laugh,
flood my mind until
I laugh and cry
For want of you.
Oh how I wish things
could be different,
If only for a moment more
With you.
I bless your name and God's,
For His love in letting me Know you
For our whole lifetime Together.
~ author unknown ~
My stepdad during chemo ~ 2008
Milo's stepdad, Jim, was diagnosed with colorectal cancer just five months after we lost Milo. Thanks to God, the cancer stayed
encapsulated within the tumors during the next
two and a half years, at which time he received chemotherapy and radiation. We came close to losing him during the treatment ( July - September 2007 ), but we have
realized that God has plans for his life.
~ The Abyss ~
I was falling into the abyss
Of self destruction,
Consuming whatever
Would drowned out the reality
Of losing you.
Quietly you whispered to me
From the spirit world.
Your encouraging words
drifted into my consciousness,
And a new dawn began,
Like the sun emerging
After a storm.
My days are still cloudy at times,
But I am learning that
I can push the clouds away.
The sun can shine again
copyright
~ m.k. williamson
My daughter's in her petticoat
standing in the apple tree
While blowing kisses up to God
She shakes the sugar tree
She's just a tiny fragment
Of what she'll become one day
A kiss upon the windy skies
A blossom in the month of May.
~ copyright m.k. williamson
Milo's favorite football
team,
The Washington Redskins
My nephew, Matthew, n front of my studio apartment in Boerne, Texas
Milo and his dad - 1981
"We are each one of us angels with only one wing,
And the only way we can fly is by
Embracing one
Another."
- author unknown
"I do not understand the mystery of grace -
Only that it meets us where we are,
but it does not leave us where it
finds us."
I miss you most of all, my darling, Milo,
when autumn leaves
start to
fall.
Milo with his Uncle Bobby
taking flying lessons
For ~ "Nicole"
First Kiss
A little boy
A little miss
Standing close enough
to kiss
He is four
She is five
From his feelings
He cannot hide
Just a kiss upon her cheek
She is shy
He feels weak
Suddenly, it is done
She's been kissed
By my precious son.
- copyright - m.k. williamson -
4th grade @ Mountainview
Elementary School
My sweet, handsome, little man,
Milo
Her Baby's Face
The hand of the Almighty
Calms the raging sea
The watchful eye of the sheperd
Guards his flock of sheep
The silken lips of a mother
Caress her baby's face
And I will be delivered
By
His amazing grace.
copyright - m.k. williamson
Steven, my little brother
in Heaven
Milo loved sneakers ~ It was the one thing he didn't mind buying for himself. One time he bought a pair of sneakers for his stepdad, paying over $200.00 for them. His dad was appalled, but
Milo said,
"Dad,
"You get what you pay for, and you've earned them."
Milo thoroughly enjoyed his music ~
Mainly rap & hip-hop.
He also loved to dance.
Milo's sister, Stacy
~ 5th grade ~
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